While I was sitting here, holding my son, I felt the longing for family and to be with them, but I never felt like I had a complete family. Most likely because of my father being a complete failure. Then you know, bit by bit, pieces fall away, people die, and life continues on. I even gained new family members, some blood, some water.
I have been traumatized in the past, with my friend being murdered, which is the reason why I am weary about getting close to people. Then another good friend died suddenly, and my attitude has been reinforced. You get near to someone, they die.
Or your family treats you like you don't exsist. They neglect to tell you things like certain family members getting major surgery. Or they take offense at you for not being there, and don't bother to understand your situation.
Toledo has been a place of isolation to me, something I have begun to hate and hate. I see now how God has been forcing me out of my shell by leaving me here. I haven't been letting people walk over me, and I think I need to confront my fear of confrontation with my family.
The Lord in is loving way, reminded me of David's family, and how on one of the most important days for Israel, he was left out in the field tending the flock. I guess that the they considered him to young and insignificant.
God told me that David felt much like I do. Out in the field and seperated from the family, because he was the smallest one.
But then God reminded me of something. He wasn't forgotten by GOD and one day that little boy in the field, tending his sheep, became a King of a Nation, and not only that, his lineage was the lineage of the greatest king that exists. How about that?